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[quote=Anonymous] I was going to come on here and tell you that once you have a kid, you'll realize that genetics doesn't matter.  That holding a baby that you so desperately wanted makes all those fears go away.  But you already have a kid and you still think genetics matter so please, OP, if you are struggling this much don't do it.  it's clear that genetics matter to you and that you do not think of "family" as someone who is not genetically linked to you.  Given that, if you go ahead with DE, you will be putting that innocent child (who never asked to be born) in a home where he or she will always sense that he/she is not actually part of your family.  Even if you think you're treating the kids the same, there will be subconscious and subtle things that the DE child will pick up on.

I am feeling SO sad for the child of the pp who is already pregnant and can't come to terms with it.

BTW, I never did DE but after years of infertility adopted a beautiful, perfect child.  Although she doesn't have my eyes or DH's nose, she is like a mini-me because she picked up on my mannerisms and little facial expressions. And she made our world complete.   I then had a surprise pregnancy and love both my kids equally and realize my family is perfect the way it is.  I couldn't imagine my life without either child.

That's how you need to feel before subjecting an innocent baby into this world.  Seriously.  I honestly am not trying to be mean, but if you're already going to therapy and you can't shake your need for a genetic connection, an anonymous board shouldn't be the place that convinces you to do this.  Just accept that you have one kid and   [/quote]

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