Reply to Step mother starting a huge inappropriate fight and is unlikely to apologize, where do I go from her

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Reply to "Step mother starting a huge inappropriate fight and is unlikely to apologize, where do I go from her"

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[quote=Anonymous]
1. Your step-mother started it by opening Pandora's Box, which she never should have. Her motive is probably that for years she's wanted everyone to accept that your mother was at fault in the divorce. It's a base motive, but you won't change how she thinks and acts. It might even be true, but -

2. You and your siblings and extended family should be be required to accept or acknowledge in any form who's fault it was in the divorce and who cheated and lied about who. One, it's all in the past and should not be raked up. Two, the person who cheats may not be the one who has the most fault, counter-intuitively. Maybe they cheated because the spouse was emotionally and physically absent or abusive.

3. You are at fault for taking the bait and counter-attacking. You're an adult and know better than to fan your step-mother's flames, because she will always win with your father, he will take her side regardless of how wrong she is. She's in a position of power and if you don't want to lose them both (which you might, given how terrible they sound!), you have to ignore and deflect all insinuations and always stay supernaturally calm.

Going forward, I would have a hard time apologizing for anything, since she started it. But if you can find it within yourself to communicate regret for contributing to the dispute, then do so with as much grace as you can muster.

In any event, you need to distance yourself from these toxic people. Sorry about the family home.

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