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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What's happening in the way of discipline? [/quote]

I'm always trying different things...He likes to earn things by earning and saving up good behavior check marks. He loses his Iphone (just a device, no phone) for an hour at a time, gets it back if he behaves for that hour. He can be good, but his bad behavior is just so bad! [/quote]

Unless he has some sort of special needs or other issues, it sounds like the discipline needs to be more harsh than losing the phone for one hour. It's time to bring the hammer around. You disrespect your parents, you lose the phone for the rest of the day, or the whole weekend, or whatever.

[u]If your husband is present when your son is giving you this attitude, what is his reaction? How does your husband treat you overall?[/u][/quote]

He treats me great, aside from the fact that he doesn't help much with this situation. He grew up with a mother / sister conflict and a passive dad. Occasionally, he'll snap and get onto him and that shuts my son down for a bit. I don't want to focus on my husband though - he's something I can't change. [/quote]

I understand that, but this is a serious enough issue that [b]you and your husband need to be a united force. Your husband can't sit there passively and say nothing -- that is sending the message to your son that he is okay with your son's treatment of you. Your husband needs to help you out, here[/b]. [/quote]

+1,000

If son is like this with you but not with dad, dad absolutely must have your back. And OP, it's worrying that you actually say, "I don't want to focus on my husband though - he's something I can't change." What does that last statement mean here? That your husband isn't going to intervene in or work with this situation (maybe due to the upbringing you mention?) so you figure there's no point involving him? OP, if you let dad have a pass to do nothing and not get involved, you're setting up a very negative situation in years to come; son will learn that you alone are his "problem" and dad is fine as long as so doesn't spark dad to snap at him; son also will learn that it's OK and acceptable for a father to be passive and stand to the side while son disrespects you. Dad standing aside is tacit approval of son's behavior, frankly, and even if dad says that's not true -- it IS how son will interpret dad's passivity here.

Family counseling, or parenting help for BOTH you and your husband, plus counseling or therapy for your son. If you let your husband just be a bystander you will never get your son to respect you. You are already well on the road to resenting your own child (and I do see why, OP; he sounds at 11 like some high schoolers I know who have serious problems at home). Unless you and dad are a united force as the PP puts it, your son will always either feel he can ignore your feelings (because he sees dad doing so when son is disrespectful toward you) or your son will learn to play you off against each other as he becomes a teen.

The earlier doctor or counselor who just told you to "connect" with your son didn't do his or her job at all. You need to get some real, specific strategies and scripts for how to handle your son. Your son needs to be required -- yeah, required -- to pick some form of activity that gets him outside his own head and complaints about it need to be met with consistent discipline. And you and dad both must be involved.

I find the post troubling. We all do get sick of our own kids (and "I'm good" makes me nuts too, OP!) but it sounds like your family is heading for some very tough dynamics as your son gets older. And don't forget - your younger child is watching all this and learning from it that mom doesn't have to be respected, that older brother gets away with being a jerk, and that dad won't intervene. And younger child is also, you note, getting hassled by older brother at times. Not at all a good dynamic to permit. I'd get serious about some parenting help and counseling ASAP to avert much worse (and the need for more extensive help) in a few years' time.[/quote]

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