Reply to Did you learn how to ask for what you want in a relationship in an effective way?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 40, divorced, in a serious relationship.  I was in a long marriage where I exited full of resentment for having swallowed down my own needs, waiting for him to be a partner, and finally realizing it was never going to happen.  No regrets about ending the marriage, but I do realize that I was not good at asking for what I needed in that relationship and I need to learn.

I dated for a bit and had good experiences, now with this boyfriend for over a year.  Mostly it's an "easy" relationship in a good way--he delivers mostly everything I need without having to specify it, and vice versa.   Generally we communicate well and are in a good flow.

He just really disappointed me and I'm struggling to raise it in a productive way.  Basically, I needed some TLC and support during a tough time.  It's probably a misunderstanding overall (he was on a long work trip but knew I was in need, even a few texts to check in would have been appreciated but he was mostly silent).  He's back and cheerful and attentive.  I don't want to be Debbie Downer and go all "I'm disappointed in you", but I also don't want to swallow my disappointment.[/quote]

So, your first marriage failed due to your inadequate communication skills, and now you want to destroy your new relationship over the same thing, seeing no deficiency in your attitude or skills.  That's interesting.  Do you see your expectation that in a relationship, you have no obligation to communicate your needs--i.e. the man must be a mind reader--"he delivers mostly everything I need without having to specify it"--is a recipe for failure?  If you needed TLC did you ever ask for it?  If not, it's not your boyfriend's fault.  It's your fault, just like it was your fault in your marriage that you were unable to express your needs.

Baby, you need to grow up.  You're already in your 40's.  Stop acting like a child.[/quote]

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