Reply to Self esteem issues after having children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, women need to feel desired and desirable. We are ruthlessly judged by impossible standards, and we internalize that. You need to learn to love your body as is. That husband who told his wife to lose 10 pounds? Tell him to go fuck himself, because if he can't accept and want you as you are, he doesn't deserve you and you don't want him. You are right to feel hurt. Tell him it's like you suggesting it would help if he'd grow another inch on his penis. See how sexy that makes him feel.[/quote]

Really? I am not sure what to do now, but this seems like it will just escalate it. [/quote]

Please ignore PP's "advice." And you are right -- this will not help anything.

Aging is tough. Your body may not look like it did when you were young and childless, but now you have children. In nature, there are no free lunches.

That being said, if you think you really look bad, and can't get over it, there's always surgery. It's easy for people to say "don't worry about it," but life is short and it's your body to do with as you please.

[/quote]

So she should pay someone to cut her body into a more pleasing shape for a man or to meet some ridiculous standards? How very empowering. I wasn't advising her literally to say those things to her husband. It's more the attitude she needs to internalize. You can convey your body acceptance and self-respect in positive ways, and you can make it clear you expect to be accepted and respected, all in positive ways. Men actually find confidence of this kind pretty hot.

Your body is going to keep getting older, saggier, and "uglier" compared to youthful bodies, and you're still going to want to enjoy it and share it with your partner, hopefully until the day you die. That starts with working to accept it now. You think it's bad now? Wait until menopause.

It takes a lot of work for us women to love our bodies, without reservation. You have to keep repeating, until you mean it:  I love my body. It's older, it's changed from pregnancy and birth, but that's the price we pay for the power to bring life into the world. And how amazing is my body that I could give and sustain life? How amazing is it that it gives me (and my partner) such pleasure in so many ways? If my partner can't accept my body, however it is, and accept its age and battle scars, then he isn't really accepting and appreciating me for who I am, and that's not acceptable to me. If a younger, smoother body is that important to him, he's free to split up with me and go get what he wants. I will not accept hurtful remarks or negative attitudes about my body from the person who is my sexual partner.[/quote]

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