Reply to Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?

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Reply to "Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you ask if it is selfish of you to divorce.  i want to blast your premise a bit...everyone views being "selfish" as a bad thing.  honestly, being selfish is the ONLY thing that ensures our survival as human beings.  nobody hands us things in life, nobody will take care of you like you (i've learned the hard way).

was your DH selfish to have an affair and lie about it?  of course.  for that time, for whatever reason, this was the only thing he knew how to do to get what he wanted.  so he did the selfish thing because in his mind, he needed what he felt he needed, consequences be damned.

would it be selfish of you to divorce your DH because you are worried that your kids would suffer?  yes, on a level you are putting your needs above your kids, so in a traditional sense yes, that is selfish.  BUT THAT'S OKAY if you feel it is in YOUR best interests, as a woman, as a human being, to divorce your DH and be on your own.  it is emotional survival, and only YOU can ensure that for yourself.  you cannot put DH in the driver's seat for that.  even people with non-cheating spouses should not do that.  you have to keep control over your own emotional life.

we all have a right to choose to be selfish, especially if it will make us a better, whole person.

hugs to you, OP.[/quote]

I agree with this.  And it's not even selfish so much, as it is self-preservation.   Respect yourself enough to do what's best for you.   Even then, this is not a decision you need to make right away.  I would suggest separation with a potential reconciliation.  However, my experience with cheaters is that they are cowards, and once you cut the cord, he will be gone, likely to the affair partner.   Maybe to someone else.   So if you do a separation, realize that it might be the true end of the marriage rather than a step toward healing.

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