Reply to Is it okay to divorce a remorseful cheater when you have kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.  I really don't want a divorce in theory.  I don't want to have to split custody and I don't want my kids to suffer.  I have this nagging feeling that my husband is just going to leave me sooner or later anyway.  I am not sure he ever really loved me.  I stupidly read some of his correspondence with the other woman, with husband's permission, and it was awful.  He clearly was into her and expressed his adoration of her repeatedly.  He wrote her stuff that he has never come close to saying to me.  He did tell me he wanted to leave during the affair, and I begged him to give us a chance. I'm basically an idiot.

If we were to divorce, I would be cordial with him.  I definitely don't want to subject my kids to any more pain than necessary.  I wonder if I would ever tell them about the affair. My instinct would be not to tell them, to protect them, but who knows what would be right.

I found out eight months ago.  I flat out asked him and he admitted it.  He says it's over, and he changed jobs ( they were coworkers), but who knows if he really ended it.  I'm in individual therapy too.  [/quote]

My experience was that my DW was not willing to show me anything and she ended up with AP.  The thing to remember is they are still in the house with you - now. But please take some time to think about what you want and how your own issue might have contributed to this. I'm not not blaming you as the victim. But if you want this to work and have a happier relationship you should address some of the things you've  indentified. Take it slow. Divorce sucks for the kids but you alone can't save you marriage. Frankly it's easier to divorce and maybe what you have to do. At least you can walk away knowing you tried everything.[/quote]

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