Reply to What do you do when you've reached the limit of your parenting abilities?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry to say this but you sound like a bit of a drama queen yourself. Maybe he gets it from you. My take on your example is that you were really in his face. Did you really need to drag out of him sentence by sentence why he was in trouble? Of course he knows why -- he's 8, not 3. That might be why he "resists suggestions." You sound way over-involved in his emotions. Also, I'm not a perfect parent BY FAR but I would have addressed right away with him that you saw his sister throw the toy at him and that was wrong and you can understand why he'd be angry about that --anyone would be. (Were you just pretending when you said he's sitting there with furious tears streaming down his cheeks but you had no idea why?) His response -- to throw the toy back -- was what was wrong, not his feelings. Affirm his angry feelings and also emphasize that he's way older than his sister and needs to use bigger kid coping mechanisms than a 3 year old does.

Again, I am far from a perfect parent, but maybe you could emphasize how much bigger he is, and try to foster a more nurturing, big-brother type of response in him. Let him teach his sister things, protect her, etc.

My two cents.[/quote]

Wow, you really wanted to get that insult out in front, didn't you? As for the rest of it, I think you're reading in a bit that wasn't there. I don't believe I said I had no idea why he was crying, but perhaps I misstated something, so please show me. I had a very strong sense as to why, but I also like to give him some room to express things himself instead of presuming I know everything about his inner emotions, because it's always possible I'm wrong or even just a little off base. I also never said his feelings were wrong, that's something I'm always very clear about with him, that we may not be able to control our emotions, but we're responsible for controlling what we do with them. He can certainly be angry with his three-year-old sister, I would be too, but that doesn't mean he can hit her in the face with a toy.[/quote]

What are you looking for, OP? You are a great parent, and the problem is that your DS is screwed up in some fundamental way that has nothing to do with your perfect parenting? There, you got it.

I haver an over-emotional kid, too. I am also very emotional. Makes things difficult for us. I'm just trying to give you my take on what you wrote. Best of luck.[/quote]

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