Reply to DH's anti-social nature causing resentment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the big issue here isn't the frequency or the leaving early, but the fact that he is turning this into some sort of fight/power struggle every time.  I would talk about THAT.  Not how often, but the fact that he is so negative about every single social occasion means that he is punishing you for wanting to socialize.  What if you complained and griped and made him feel like a jerk every time he went for a run?  It would suck the pleasure out of it and that's not fair.

Once you explain that his attitude is the problem, then you can find a compromise--e.g., he will go to three social events with you per month, staying at least 3 hours each time with a cheerful and positive attitude and in return you won't even ask him to attend any other events.  He is 100% off the hook except for those 3 things.  Everything else you will send apologies or go solo.[/quote]

Why does he have to go at all?  As a PP said, just say he couldn't make it.  You don't have to make excuses.  My DH is pretty social, but I have noticed in the last couple of years (after kids) that he is a lot less interested in going out, as are a lot of his friends.  He coaches our kids rec team, the kids have lessons, we have home projects, etc.

In talking to my friends, we have all noticed that the women have become a lot more social as the kids get older, and the guys tend to not be interested in doing as much, and want to just chill at home.  My mom says it gets even worse as you age.  Since your DH was already in introvert, it probably just looks more extreme.

Also - I am an introvert.  I would be annoyed as hell if my DH wanted to drag me somewhere once a week.  Not interested - AT ALL.  Just leave it be.  Ask him to come to really important family events and then just go with the kids or go by yourself.  [b]You might find that if you back off he would be more willing to "take on for the team".[/b][/quote]

Yeah, you want to try to avoid making the other person feel like they have to "give in" to please you. Sort of like high libido/low libido issues in marriages. Sometimes backing off is a way to let absence make the heart grow fonder. [/quote]

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