Reply to Is it normal to take multiple vacations but never visit family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Visiting family is not a vacation. Since you do not get along with your SIL why would you want to get together? [/quote]

OP here. Who said I do not get along with my SIL?? I've never had an issue with her.

When we visit, we see multiple people and family members, so it's more of a group visit. And yes visiting family can be "boring" (but doesn't have to be that way). [b]They know the invitation is always open,[/b] but I guess I don't understand people saying they "value family" but aren't interested in making the effort. A little bit of effort for a weekend visit can go a long way, especially when time/money aren't an issue. [/quote]

OP, see bold: "They know the invitation is always open." Maybe you think they do but some people just need a real invitation with dates attached to it.

I'm not clear whether you really want them to come to you because you enjoy their company, want to know what's going on their lives, etc., or because you feel that they "should" reciprocate and visit you because you visit them. Unless you really do want to spend the time with them because you like them as people (and not just because they're family and you think family has an obligation to visit family) -- why would you push this?

If you want them to visit you, give them a real invitation rather than assuming they know "the invitation is always open." Maybe they're the types who just don't invite themselves to other people's homes but wait to be invited. There's nothing wrong with being like that. And there's nothing wrong with their spending their money and time on the vacations you cite. If they always use those trips as excuses over and over to turn down real, specific invitations from you, I can see why you'd be peeved. But it doesn't sound like that's the case; you just feel they ought to want to spend as much time with family as you yourself expect. Can you be open to the idea that they're not wrong or bad here? They see you twice a year but you seem to feel that's not enough, if they "value family."

OP, my SIL and her family (who live overseas) go to New Zealand every year for weeks at Christmas to visit their closest friends, who live there.  They have the option to go anywhere, including here, and they go there instead. And that's fine, and yes, we all get along excellently. SIL and family are also making a trip to the US this fall and will be fairly close by (NYC) but they're doing it at exactly the time we will be in their country visiting the rest of the family. I could sit here and be angry and upset that they didn't work all their US plans out with us, or that they spend substantial time every single year with friends instead of coming to see us--we're family. But it just doesn't occur to us that we should dictate how they spend their vacation time, and we'll see them at other times in the year. We don't question whether they "value family." We stay in close touch all year long and don't fret over reciprocating visits.[/quote]

I thought the same thing.  Some people will never take you up on an open-ended invitation like that.  You have to issue a specific one, even if it's inviting them to come "any weekend in June" or whatever.  [/quote]

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