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Reply to "My SIL makes family functions unbearable - I really need to vent."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I think you need a family meeting about this, sans SIL.  Centering about when enough is enough, and what the grandparents's obligations are regarding money, and what the family's obligations are regarding including her in social gatherings if she continues to make it all about her. I think you are all miserable separately and feeling guilty, and that you will feel so much better if you can find a safe outlet to express everyone's feelings about the matter.

The reality is, some people need to be told directly what the boundaries are. If the whole family can agree on some, it might be a good idea to let SIL know what they are. She'll feel awful in the moment, but perhaps it will be healthier for her in the long-term.

She is not open to adoption?[/quote]

My DH's sister has wanted to have a family sit down about this for a while now. No one has wanted to exclude SIL though and go behind her back. We are all really trying to be considerate of her situation. I think I might back the idea though. It certainly couldn't make this situation worse.

My BIL has wanted adoption for a very long time. I don't know why she is not open to that idea. Maybe she will be now that their options are limited.[/quote]

It is none of your business  if they adopt or not. It's not your place to suggest it.[/quote]

Please quote where I said it was my business or where I suggested it.

I know the my BIL has wanted to for years because he has told me directly. I have no idea why she wasn't open to the idea. If I made it my business I would have asked her.[/quote]

That's just i their choice to adopt or not shouldn't evn be part of this conversation, but you and PP are discussing it. It's not your concern at all.

The only thing that is your concern is how you choose to respond to your SIL's behavior and the boundaries you  and your DH  ( if he is willing) to put in place.

The money they spend on fertility treatments or what your   parents in law  choose to give them is not your concern.
Adoption is not your concern.
How other family members choose to spend time with  BIL and SIL is not your concern.

Your job is   is to figure out your boundaries and how to enforce them.[/quote]

You do understand want a vent is right?[/quote]

Yes.  Duscussing SIL's adoption plans have nothing to do with venting, and everything to do with the same tided DCUM infertility debate.

1.Infertile people do this
2. Well you just don't understand them.
3. I understand them ,but X
4. Infertile people are selfish and horrible 
5. They should just adopt and be happier
On and on it goes.[/quote]

No one is discussing SILs adoption plans. Please stop making bogus claims just because you've got a bee in your bonnet.[/quote]

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