Reply to My SIL makes family functions unbearable

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Reply to "My SIL makes family functions unbearable - I really need to vent."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

On the slim chance this is actually real ( I have a strong feeling you are the author of my SIL is mean to my baby)

You don't get to determine this. You don't get to even wonder about it.

You don't get to decide what other family members do with their money or their relationship with them.

You can choose how much time you spend with her and her BIL.  You can choose how much money you are willing to help them with.

Your SIL is hurting. Hurting people react in a variety of ways. Some become reclusive, some become bitter an nasty, and some reach out to others.  You really don't have to understand it. You just need to choose how you will react to it.

[/quote]

I don't have a baby, this is real, and I have not posted about my SIL before.

I get the advice you are giving but I do get to feel exhausted from years of this type of abuse. She has physically attacked me. She has emotionally abused my other SIL.

I don't think I said anywhere in my post that I get to decide what other family members do with their money. I can worry that my aging ILs are being bullied into emptying their retirement.

As I said in my OP I get that she is hurting. But she is hurting our entire family and I think we all deserve a bit of consideration too.[/quote]

You asked  " when is enough enough?  implying you get to decide things.  You don't.

Outside of what you,your DH and your kids do you don't get to decide.  Your in-laws are adults they can determine what relationship   and the boundaries they want to have  with her SIL.  You can determine your own boundaries.

" I'll never understand why..."
If you see that she's hurting it really shouldn't be baffling to you why she acts the way she does.  As an adult I'm sure you're capable of understanding that hurting people behave in all manner of ways.

Since you feel abused and scarred by her behavior, instead of worrying about your SIL seeking therapy, maybe you should go to therapy yourself.

[/quote]

No, I didn't imply that I get to decide everything for my family. I think you are reading in to things that are not there. I stated that I needed to vent so I didn't explode on my SIL.

I kind of don't see where you are coming from and I am trying to understand. Because she is hurting she can be physically and emotionally abusive as well as be a bully and no one can question that at all?

I never said I get to decide or determine or control anything.[/quote]

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