Reply to I don't know how to process this fight/anger with my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have this rage in inside that I cannot let go of, hoping your outside perspective can help me.  We're in a different time zone, so the times are off.  DH is supposed to wake up with our child on Sunday mornings at 6 am.  The night before, we got in a fight, and he was upset with me and slept on the couch.  This morning, when our toddler son started crying, he didn't get him or check on him.  When I checked on him, he had pooped through his clothes and was hungry and dirty.  DH refused to take care of him because he was still upset at me.  He's trying to make nice now, but I'm really struggling with: 
1) trust as a parenting partner - I'm upset by this dynamic, that he can shirk his parenting duties because he knows I will always step up and care for our son.  
2)using not caring for our son as a tool to "get back at me".

This is not the first time he has done this either.  Me getting to sleep in on Sunday is sanity-saving for me.  I look forward to it all week, and he knows that and likes to dangle not getting up with DS as a punishment of sorts if he is upset with me.  Needless to say, we do not have a great marriage, but this is really breaking me.  [/quote]

Without a spouse, you'd be the one getting up. There's the perspective check you asked for, though I'm pretty sure it's not what you wanted to hear.

Your husband is being infantile (if what you've said is the whole of the truth). That's annoying. The only part of this that is somewhat concerning is that he's allegedly willing to let your kid suffer. That's really messed up.

Then again, I don't know when your son started crying, what you were doing (were you already up?), how long he was allegedly allowed to cry, etc.

Again, assuming your post is entirely true, this is what I'd do:

Tell your husband to stop being such a bitch. Those exact words. Tell him that passive-aggressive twattery is the height of female stupidity, and you married him believing he was a man. A man doesn't leave his son to suffer for any length of time for any reason. Then ignore the bastard.

Report back in a week.[/quote]

At 6 am, son wakes up.  Husband is sleeping downstairs on couch.  I yell from upstairs that son is awake.  He says ok.  I fall back asleep, wake up 25 min later, son is fussing, I call for husband, husband tells me "you can take care of it".  I check on him, he's poopy and sheets are soiled.  I call down and ask husband for help getting him cleaned up and sheets changed, husband ignores.  I wrap poopy-bottom baby in a towel and place him on DS on the couch and go back upstairs to run the bath.  I come downstairs to find poopy DS wandering around living room, husband ignoring him and still lying on couch (living room is child proofed/safe, but kitchen is not, and door to kitchen was open).  I ask DH for help again, DH ignores and says he will get him in two hours.  I put DS in bath, clean him up, dry and dress him, strip sheets, take him downstairs, fix him breakfast.  DH ignores.  Once DS is cleaned and fed, and breakfast is all cleaned up, and bedding is laundered,DH starts to feel some remorse and says he will take DS.  [/quote]

Yeah that is really f'd up. Sounds like you need to tell him if he's not willing to get up on Sunday mornings as he has committed to that you will hire a babysitter. [/quote]

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