Reply to Sister can't get over my miscarriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it weird. I am FB with sisters and one of them had a still birth. Her sister post all the time about it (grant, the mother does as well - the baby had a FB page and we saw pics of him and the whole family holding him).

I don't get how one that isn't carrying the baby can be so [b]obsessed with a person who isn't living in our world[/b] (totally get that mothers have an attachment since they are carrying the baby). [/quote]

Uh... every dead person is not living in our world anymore. People should stop grieving their loved ones? Have you ever lost someone? If you live long enough, you will. Or maybe you just don't have anybody to lose.[/quote]

There is a difference. If someone comes into the world and you bond with them that is different than being an AUNT to a baby that was never alive outside of the womb. [/quote]

Unbelievable! So if I live out if state and my sister had a baby that I don't get to see right away; and if the baby dies a few days after being born, before I get to see her, you think I wouldn't care enough about her to mourn her, only because I didn't carry her in my womb?

[/quote]

You seem to be looking for ways to be offended. Clearly she's saying there's a difference between an early miscarriage (loss of someone who never lived in the world among us) vs someone who was born, breathed, bonded and lived as a separate being. Yes, it's fine to be sad when someone has a miscarriage. It's a bit odd to obsess over someone else's miscarriage though. Especially publicly greiving more than the parents are, to the point when the mother who suffered the loss firsthand is experiencing pain caused by the other person's obsession. It's weird to obsess over someone else's pregnancy that much. [/quote]

Thank you for being the arbiter of grief.  How long exactly does a child have to live?  If a baby lives 2 days is that good?  Does a parent whose baby lives 6 months and dies of SIDS gets to feel more sad than one who dies at 4 months?

Please tell us more who wins the grief party when a child is lost. [/quote]

When my child lived less than an hour, the whole family grieved. Everyone acted appropriately and didn't try to make their grief more than mine. When I had a miscarriage, others were sad for us but didn't really grieve for months and make me uncomfortable by bringing it up often.

How other people grieve over losing children who were born isn't really relevant here though, because the op is talking about her sister grieving so intensely over the OP's miscarriage that it's making her uncomfortable. The sister is being inappropriate and making the OP's loss about herself more than the OP. Maybe she needs therapy. Maybe she's just selfish. Who knows. But trying to suggest it's somehow the same as losing an infant is bizarre. [/quote]

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