Reply to I worry he's a narcissist just like my ex.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would take it slow - how he respects your pace will tell a lot about him.

If you don't say "I love you" back, does he get upset?[/quote]

I don't recommend tests like this.  OP would be turning into the controlling narcissist she fears.

OP, continue on with your current boyfriend.  If he starts to engage in controlling behavior, leave.  That is all you can do in any relationship.

You are understandably anxious.  You have gotten burned.  But being afraid of relationships is life-limiting.  Protect yourself by not sticking around when you are being abused and controlled.  That's not the same as living in a state of perpetual fear and anxiety.

Try some mindfulness exercises, which will teach you the difference between constantly feeling like a tiger is on your tail and being appropriately vigilant.  I think that's your real problem.[/quote]

I didn't mean it as a test, just a question - how did he react when you didn't say "I love you"? I don't think she should be testing him, absolutely not.

I think it's really important to listen to your gut. I know it's hard to trust it after being blindsided as you were in your prior relationship, OP.
So just take it slow. Stay connected to your own life, your friendships, goals and interests. And listen to your gut. You said he's eager to "lock you down" - that could mean he's really into you, which is very normal in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but it could also be a red flag.  It's all in the details.
If you could share more, that might give us a better idea of the dynamic, and whether there's something off with this guy or you are just feeling overly gun-shy from your prior relationship. How early did he profess his love? What do you mean by he's trying to "lock you down"?

Regardless, I would continue to enjoy the relationship, take it slow and listen to that gut. My friend in a similar situation got a really good therapist who she saw weekly and it helped her through the process of trusting and listening to her gut again, especially  when she started dating again.

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