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[quote=Anonymous]Have you read any books together (or, more accurately, read individually and then discussed)?  I'm only a few months into trying to heal from my husband's emotional and ultimately sexual affair.  I don't have to tell you it's complicated, and that each of us has to work really hard individually before anything collective even begins to make sense.  We're in individual and couples counseling, but I've found the thing that has opened up conversation the most is reading something and then talking about our reactions.  It's hard as heck right now, so I'm not saying I know the answers, but just an idea.  Shirley Glass, Not Just Friends and somebody, After the Affair are two books that come to mind.

I have to also say that even now I can say what I think I need to feel secure and trust my husband, but those things have and continue to change.  And it seems like he is "moving on" much faster than I am, as I understand to generally be the case.  Remember you got to process your affair as it happened.  He only started processing when he found out.  And finding out shook the core of everything he believed to be true in his life.  It's trauma, plain and simple. So it might be worth a restart of that conversation with your husband.  Maybe he didn't know when you went to counseling.  Or maybe he knew but it changed and he couldn't figure out how to ask for something different.  Or maybe he's just stuck in anger and you both need to give this your best shot before you walk away.

In the end, my take is:  either you reach towards your spouse or you reach away from your spouse in hard times.  Your affair was a choice to reach away from your husband.  This is a chance to reach towards him.[/quote]

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