Reply to "Parents Should Never Punish Their Kids"

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Reply to ""Parents Should Never Punish Their Kids""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Aren't there other threads on here complaining that millenials are constantly looking for positive praise at work for every little task they do? This is the kind of disciplining method that sets them up to be adults who can't move on to the next task without making sure 3 other people are giving them a "good job!"

I think positive discipline is great, but I think there's a time and place for boundaries. Telling a kid "good job for not hitting your sister this morning!" "You didn't run into the street without looking for cars just now!" Sets the kids up for low low low standards of behavior. I barely have to be nice and I get praise--not a bad deal here.[/quote]

I don't think you understand his method. I use the method with my kids and I rarely punish them. The most I do is separate them when they are fighting too much.

The method does not involve non-stop praising for nothing. You pick a target behavior - say hitting. You teach them what to do when they are frustrated so that they don't hit. Our son was a hitter. We taught our son to tell an adult or walk when he got really frustrated. When he employed the technique, we gave him tons of praise and a reward. We would give him poker chips that he could trade for screen time. We did this intensively for about 3 weeks. At 3 weeks, the behavior was internalized. The hitting stopped and we dialed down the praise and scaled back on the rewards. This was 3 years ago. My son is now 7 and deals with frustration really well. We have taught him to negotiate with his brothers and use other more sophisticated problem-solving techniques. We no longer praise him or reward him for not hitting because hitting is not an issue at all. He hasn't behaved like that since he was 4. The idea behind the Kazdin method is to [u]get the behavior to become internalized[/u].

The more you use the Kazdin method, the more your child will internalize good behavior and the less you have to use the method. With my 7-yead-old, we pretty much never use the Kazdin method because he is very calm and rational. He is calm and rational partly because we used the Kazdin method to teach him to be calm and rational.

I think it is great. You get well-behaved kids without yelling, punishing, time-outs, etc., and eventually you use very little positive reinforcement too. [/quote]

I think it's great for you but I suspect your 3-weeks-to-better-behavior scenario is geared toward fairly normal kids. We've been working for years with our son who has a host of issues (ADHD, anxiety being the biggest) and at age 12 still do not have a completely well-behaved kid.  His impulsiveness is too strong.

Sometimes the threat of punishment (taking away his screen) is the only thing that stops his harassment of his sibling or his unwillingness to cooperate with us.[/quote]

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