Reply to Sandwich generation

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Sandwich generation "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why is it so hard for adult children to take care of a parent's personal grooming at the end of life- especially when we have done similar things for our children at the beginning of their lives? [/quote]

I've had to help my mom toilet and get dressed, so I can speak to this.  It's hard emotionally because it's in-your-face evidence that the parent you knew is gone.  It's unpleasant because it drastically changes your relationship.  It's gross because dealing with another person's fecal matter is gross no matter their or your age.  (I have three kids, one still in diapers, so I deal in poop a lot.)

And, then it's never just about the act of what you're doing.  It's what it represents to your parent: loss of control, loss of power in the parent-child dynamic, loss of dignity, loss of privacy, and many other losses.  So, the parent may resent the help, make demands that make it harder to accomplish, etc.

As for the OP's question, a big part of the answer depends on resources.  Does your parent have long term care insurance (we all should!)?  A LTCI plan can help significantly defray the costs of caregivers or assisted living facilities.  You just won't be able to care for young kids and an ailing parent on your own.  Their needs will compete and will often be opposite of one another.  You'll need help.  Caregiver agencies are a huge help if you want the parent to remain at home.  Some local DC companies are Home Instead, Comforcare, Visiting Angels, Capital City Nurses, and many others.  They deal with scheduling, taxes, etc. for you.  You'll also need to make sure other family or friends are engaged in the emotional/social support of the parent.  Get a visit rotation going to make sure the parent has outlets that aren't just centered on you and your family.

I'm four years into being my mom's life manager and it's gotten a lot easier with time.  It's really hard, though.

Sandwich generation sucks.  I'm sorry for you, OP, and wish you all the best and lots of luck!![/quote]

+1. Because we work full time and have children later, therefore the kids are younger at the point when parents need care.  Whatever you did for us as children we do for our own children too, I am not sure your reasoning holds water very well...[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics