Reply to thoughts on telling older child you're doing IVF?

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[quote=Anonymous]I would tell her OP, but I would also limit how much I share.  I think a pp's suggestion about padding the time frame for when you would know if it works is a good idea.  I think I'd also set pretty low expectations.  "Mommy will need to try a bunch of different medications to see which ones might work.  It often takes lots of tries for these things, so I'll be doing a lot of this for quite a while.  I don't want you to worry about me.  This is very grown-up stuff, and as soon as we know anything for sure we will tell you.  Ok?  This is also something we won't talk about with most of our friends so I want you to know so we're not hiding anything, and then I want you to just ignore it and not worry about it."

Set her up to be included but not burdened, promise her she'll be the first to know when you have anything definite to tell, and ask her to not talk about it outside the family.  She will probably take significant non-verbal cues from your own tension around the issue so try to be breezy and light about it (though writing that as someone who is a veteran of infertility issues that sounds absurd.  But still....)

Good luck OP.[/quote]

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