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[quote=Anonymous]I have a friend who is going through this with her own daughter. Her daughter feels that she is not "put first" in her mother's life. She is resentful if her mother helps but not when she wants her to, does not follow a myriad of rules her son in law sets for her when she enters the house, and they seem to pick apart everything she says out of context. What really is happening there is that the son in law is serious emotional abuser...immature, narcissistic,  controlling, however no one has evidence that he's physically hurt anyone.

The daughter is taking it completely out on her parents instead of where it belongs, probably out of fear and resignation. 
OP: while this situation is not yours specifically, you are dealing with a very intense situation. Your child, who is apparently quite ill is scaring you. I think you are very scared and used to relying on your Mom. You have reason to be afraid,  and it isn't wrong to want her help, but you know have to make that leap where you are in control.  I'm not sure if you are missing the support from your spouse, but that might be it.I wish you well as you have a challenge that others do not. If your spouse is not supportive, then find a support system, but it won't and can't be your Mom in the exact way that you want, but don't wholesale assign her as the problem. You've been dealt a bad set of cards, but it happens.Don't sacrifice the already good relationship you do have with her.

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