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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Quit pestering her about it. Especially the dating questions-they need to stop. It's rude and intrusive. Your family needs to quit venting to you about each other, because it really doesn't involve you and it encourages you to meddle in your sister's business. Your parents are adults, and they can evict your sister when they're ready.

That said, it sounds frustrating to sit by and watch. But that's really what your role in this is.

Also, social anxiety is real, and if that's truly her problem, consider learning more about it so you can be empathetic rather than unkind to her. [/quote]

OP here

You're right. I need to be better about shutting my parents down when they complain about my sister. My mom has been triangulating and venting about my sister for years. It sucks to be in the middle.

I really try to just love my sister for who she is it just gets on my mind from time to time. She visited me twice last month so it's definitely on my mind right now.

As for Aspbergers it's possible. I know it presents differently in women and she has some of the traits. It's not my place to tell her to go to a psychologist but I've thought that she should go talk to one for years. Or it could be social anxiety but then I've never seen her behave like she's highly anxious in new social situations. It could be because my presence reassures her? The only time I've ever seen her get really anxious in a social situation was when we were at a bachelorette party for a mutual friend and we had guys flirting with us. I'd tell them I was married but that my sister is single and apparently that really made her upset when I suggested that guys talk to her.[b] It almost ruined the night out[/b].

I don't think she is emulating anyone. Most of her friends and peers are married and have children. I am pretty sure she's straight. [b]I think she has this abstract idea about wanting to be married and have kids someday but doesn't seem to want to take any practical steps towards that kind of life. [/b]

[/quote]

I'm the one with the 45 yr old sister and this hits home. Went through this exactly with her. Straight, no family pressure on sexual preference so she'd have the latitude to come out, no anxiety, states she's happy, acts happy, but livid that anyone would 'force her' to meet someone.... umm... ok!

The good thing (hard for you though) is that your parents are aware and complain. Mine denied and let her live her life at home. Unless a guy happened to wander into the family home, down into the basement and strike up a conversation about comic books, she won't meet anyone. Everyone seems fine with this. The psychologist suggestion offended everyone and got shot down when suggested multiple times by me. She was screened for learning disorders but she's so high functioning, nothing was ever picked up, but at least that was a step in my parents acknowledging something was off... Something's off, but not off enough to get her committed/assessed so as it is, she lives a simple life and it's ok with everyone who foots the bill. My sister was never offended that I wanted her assessed, she took it all in placid stride like she takes everything. I'm not in control of it and neither are you, but if your parents complain, I'd use that to your advantage and keep the conversation goal oriented toward assessing/diagnosing/helping her. If your parents get help maybe she can help herself more. Especially if she is young enough to adapt to change. Look at community resources and have them put it to her if she's living in their home. Wish my parents had gone further with this.[/quote]

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