Reply to Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy.

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Reply to "Dreamed my father died last night. I'm estranged from him...I need some DCUM therapy."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, how is your relationship with your mom?  Trying to see if you have any other support.[/quote]

I have a really good relationship with my mom.  We talk 3-4 times a week and she visits me often (lives down South).  She has a close relationship with my children and DH.  I have support from my DH as well and we have talked at length about these dreams, how I am feeling, and what he thinks I should do.  He thinks I should let it go or either write a letter and not send it.  Both of his parents are deceased, so to some extent he doesn't understand the my turmoil.   He thinks I will regret not reaching out.  He does think I should be the bigger person.

I am hopeful that tonight I will be able to rest.  [/quote]

I don't mean to sway you one way or another but if your DH didn't grow up in a dysfunctional household, it will be extremely difficult for him to understand how deep your pain goes.  After extensive relationship counseling, my DH is aware of how my childhood impacted me but he can't really understand how it has scarred me and how emotions can be triggered that bring up all that old shit.

Every 3-5 years, I go back to counseling myself just to make sure I'm on a good path.  As my kids get older, different memories are re-awakened.  I've realized (yes, I know I'm talking about me, me, me and not you) that until my kids reach the age I was when I cut off contact, this re-awakening will continue to happen.  Just this weekend, as I was driving my DS to an school event, I was reminded how much anxiety I always had prior to an event because I was never sure I'd have transportation there.  My parents would know about the event but, because he was so fucked up, my father would often forbid me to go, forbid my mother to take me or, at the last minute, tell me I had to find my own ride if I wanted to go.  I was fucked no matter what.  If I arranged a ride ahead of time, I'd have to call and tell my ride I couldn't go.  If he prevented my mother from taking me, I'd have to scramble for a ride.  If I couldn't go at all, I'd have to contact someone to let them know I wouldn't be there.  It was awful.  I was good at this activity and was sought out by teachers/students - and I wanted to do it.   But, I ended up quitting because I just couldn't take the rollercoaster.  My DH doesn't really understand what I went through and what I go through when these memories are re-awakened.  But, at least he understands there's no way I will ever reconcile with my father.  When you're an adult, you get to choose who your family is.[/quote]

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