Reply to how do you put the marriage first when you have young kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The people [b]who gave me this advice were relatives who have a ton of family nearby and use their parents/the grandparents like nannies. So ya, easy to have weekly date nights and weekends away when you have free child care all around.[/b]

Now that my kids are a little older, 4 and 6, we try to have a sitter once a month. I also think that while you don't need to put your marriage first, you do need to invest time in it and spend time together even if that is on the couch chatting once a week.

[/quote]

Yeah, I've noticed the same thing. Or people who have full-time nannies. I'm a sahm and we have neither so our date nights are weekend nights spent watching movies together and drinking wine (now that the 1-year old sleeps through the night), talking until late night while finishing off the wine, and then having some wild sex. I also don't actually believe in putting the marriage "first." I believe the needs of our children, those of us as individuals, and care of our relationship are all "firsts" and you prioritize based on urgency in the moment. For example, sex is an important connecting point for dh and me but if my baby is screaming in the middle of the night, we're going to stop doing that to take care of her.  Frankly, in the pre-elementary years (maybe beyond but we're not there yet), I think the children usually do come first but that doesn't mean the relationship gets nothing. [/quote]

Many of us don't have family nearby or full-time nannies.  Babysitters.  When the kids are a bit older (my minimum age is 2), use a high school student.  Ours is $12/hour.  You don't have to be out for hours or spend a ton of money.  Have a nice casual dinner for 2 hours.[/quote]

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