Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, when you say his ex was not thrilled about the divorce, do you mean that he left her?  Really think about whether you want to marry a man who left the mother of his children.

Can you and your boyfriend afford all these kids?  What happens if he has a change in his income, or if one of the kids ends up having some expensive special needs?  How will you feel when you are not able to spend money as you wish, because of his agreement with his ex?  If her income drops, he will have to pay more.

Whatever you do, don't buy into the "children are resilient" crap.  That's just the excuse adults make for treating children badly.  Divorce can be profoundly traumatizing for young children and take years for them to recover.  Not all kids, but some.  You need to be realistic about it.[/quote]

OP here - yikes you all are making this seem pretty awful.

I have a good amount of money so we can financially afford more kids.

Yes he left his family - they both agreed they were miserable, his wife wanted to keep working on it but he threw in the towel.  I don't currently judge him for it because I know how soul sucking a marriage where the love is gone can be - but maybe I'll feel differently when I have kids?

One of the problems in my first marriage is that my DHs needs always came before mine. With my current BF I fully want my boyfriend to put his kids first, he should and I would be disgusted with him if he didn't, but after reading all this I'm increasingly concerned about even though I believe thats the way it should be, actually living it will slowly grow resentment [/quote]

OP, you've answered your own question. You want a man who will put his kids first? Well, abandoning them just because he was tired of working on his marriage was not putting them first. He left them for greener pastures. There's no other way to put it.[/quote]

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