Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous[b]]OP, when you say his ex was not thrilled about the divorce, do you mean that he left her?  Really think about whether you want to marry a man who left the mother of his children.[/b]

Can you and your boyfriend afford all these kids?  What happens if he has a change in his income, or if one of the kids ends up having some expensive special needs?  How will you feel when you are not able to spend money as you wish, because of his agreement with his ex?  If her income drops, he will have to pay more.

Whatever you do, don't buy into the "children are resilient" crap.  That's just the excuse adults make for treating children badly.  Divorce can be profoundly traumatizing for young children and take years for them to recover.  Not all kids, but some.  You need to be realistic about it.[/quote]

This entire post is good, but the bold is especially important.

Has he resolved the  issues within himself that led him to leave?  Don't buy that it was all his ex wife if that's the story he's telling you. I can promise the same issues will come up again, and you need to know he's done the work to be able to cope with it in a different way than getting a divorce.

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. He's left a wife and kids once before what's to stop him from doing it again. Blended families are more than double the work.[/quote]

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