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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Quit pestering her about it. Especially the dating questions-they need to stop. It's rude and intrusive. Your family needs to quit venting to you about each other, because it really doesn't involve you and it encourages you to meddle in your sister's business. Your parents are adults, and they can evict your sister when they're ready.

That said, it sounds frustrating to sit by and watch. But that's really what your role in this is.

Also, social anxiety is real, and if that's truly her problem, consider learning more about it so you can be empathetic rather than unkind to her. [/quote]

OP here

You're right. I need to be better about shutting my parents down when they complain about my sister. My mom has been triangulating and venting about my sister for years. It sucks to be in the middle.

I really try to just love my sister for who she is it just gets on my mind from time to time. She visited me twice last month so it's definitely on my mind right now.

As for Aspbergers it's possible. I know it presents differently in women and she has some of the traits. It's not my place to tell her to go to a psychologist but I've thought that she should go talk to one for years. Or it could be social anxiety but then I've never seen her behave like she's highly anxious in new social situations. It could be because my presence reassures her? The only time I've ever seen her get really anxious in a social situation was when we were at a bachelorette party for a mutual friend and we had guys flirting with us. I'd tell them I was married but that my sister is single and apparently that really made her upset when I suggested that guys talk to her. It almost ruined the night out.

I don't think she is emulating anyone. Most of her friends and peers are married and have children. I am pretty sure she's straight. I think she has this abstract idea about wanting to be married and have kids someday but doesn't seem to want to take any practical steps towards that kind of life.

[/quote]

PP here. Totally not trying to be mean here. I'd definitely not bring up guys or try to fix her up anymore. She's clearly uncomfortable with that. And even if you do it in a nice, no pressure, or joking kind of way, it sounds like she perceives a history of you being pushy about it. She's not going to take even the gentlest nudges as anything other than badgering. Maybe she's gay, bi, asexual, or maybe she has some sexual trauma that happened somewhere along the way that makes her not able to cope with dating now. Who knows. But again, it's not yours to worry about. Maybe she's unhappy, but the kind of help you've been giving isn't making her happier.

Remember that dinner party scene in Bridget Jones' Diary? Where she was dreading being the only single person and how the married couples were asking horrible questions about her love life? That's what keeps coming to mind when you talk about your sister and men. I'm sure it's not that bad, but it can fee that way when you're on the receiving end.

I'm really confused why you think it's ok to get in the middle of her dating life, where she lives and her relationship with your parents, but you feel it isn't your place to suggest she be evaluated for a real medical issue. That seems really backwards to me.

Maybe she does want a family of her own someday. It could also be that she feels like it's expected of her by society, her parents, you, to want them. She might be just as happy single as she would be married but doesn't know how to say it. [/quote]

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