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[quote=Anonymous]I would not cancel the party.

First of all, triangulation is huge at this age and what your daughter is going through is not at all uncommon, with Friend A and Friend B and the drama of the triangle.  However, her OCD adds a flavor of hell to it that I'm sure is very difficult.

She can't stop perseverating and I'm sure that a lot of her anxiety about the party is focused on this and it's become a symptom at this point she can't control.  Telling her to stop or you'll cancel is not going to work, any more than telling any adult to stop worrying about finding that receipt or you will "cancel" the tax audit.  Canceling the party, in my opinion, will probably not even be effective since she's so entrenched in her obsession and her intrusive thought.

I would go through with the party, and plan activities that are structured around a group, without leaving a lot of time for pairing off, whispering in private ears, and such.  Keep things moving.  Make sure your daughter has a role to play and knows what that role is.  She is the hostess and it's her job to make sure people are comfortable, etc.

I would role play with your child before the party.  Be the guests, role play the activities, be the cousin and the coveted friend.   Use fun, funny scenarios to act out some of her fears and defuse the tension as much as possible.

Good luck OP!  Birthday parties are hell![/quote]

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