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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you (or DH, depending on whose family it is) give them a heads up? Are you keeping them somewhat in the loop?

A few days/a week before a visit, I'd send an e-mail like this:

"Hey, Everybody,

We're so excited to see you! blah blah..

Larla's still working with her therapists and making progress.  She likely won't talk in new situations, it's nothing personal, and the best thing you can do for her is not make a big deal out of it. Her therapist/doctor advises just talking to her and treating her like a normal kid.

And remember!  There's nothing wrong with her hearing, so please don't talk about her condition as if she's not standing right there.  If you have questions, please, ask DH or me after Larla goes to bed.

Love,

OP"

[/quote]

I "think" I would do this.  That is, this seems to be what I'd like to receive, as an aunt, so I'd understand.  But I'm not in your position, OP.

See, I think since they hear she's in speech therapy, they imagine that, given your daughter was in speech therapy 4 months ago and 8 months ago (at our last 2 visits), there would be a change by now....  but this isn't a quick change, like a lisp.

I really think they need to know you're in this for long haul, this isn't going to be solved by the next visit.  So I think they (and especially your daughter, who hears all these things) deserve to know the real deal.  This is elective mutism, define it, it takes in general x years to resolve, our daughter is working really hard with her therapists, I ask that you not talk about it with her around, and also, here is the best way to interact with her:  (whatever that is - is it best to ask her direct questions when you know she won't answer?  Or is it best to frame in yes/no question style so she can shake her head no or yes? And is it best to look at her to wait for the head shake or not?  (My experience is with a child who had social anxiety and it showed in her not talking, and if you looked directly AT her she would shut down, but if we posed questions without looking at her, she'd answer them)   
[/quote]

+1
I really think you have to address it in advance and very explicitly tell them NOT to talk about it in front of her.  Remind them that she can hear just fine and has feelings just like any other kid, so their oggling over her isn't helpful.  And tell them anything you think might actually be helpful for them to know.

And if, for some whacked out reason, that doesn't get the job done... that's when you go into "Pass the bean dip" mode.  
Aunt:  Larla's still not talking?
You:  Not discussing that today.  Pass the bean dip!
Aunt:  You should do something about that.
You:  Not discussing that today.  Can I have more beandip?
Aunt:  I have this friend of a friend of a niece's uncle's backside who said that essential oils might work.
You:  Would you mind sharing the recipe to this delicious bean dip?
[/quote]

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