Reply to Elderly Parent, Memory issues, Car accidents

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Elderly Parent, Memory issues, Car accidents"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks. I will check into this. I am not sure if my Dad has any real poker friends (or a crowd) he hangs with, but I will check into the carpool option.

I can't even get him to look at burial plots (this has been going on for over 20 years.) he doesn't want to be cremated, but apparently feels like he should stick me and my schizophrenic kid sister with all that. Bringing up death or dementia/cancer/etc is a yields "I don't want to talk about that." [/quote]

PPs have given some really good ideas.

[b]OP, the fact that he won't discuss anything to do with aging means you're going to have to force the issue[/b]. This is why I second the idea above of getting his doctor involved if the doctor is amenable--not just about the driving but about making plans for a time when your dad is not able to go and do for himself. Some older people, and especially some older men, just won't listen to family members (especially their children) but will listen to a third party professional. You will need to prepare the doctor in advance and ensure the doctor doesn't say "Your kids want X and Y" -- the advice needs to come from the professional, not be seen by dad as you putting the doctor up to it.

When dad says, "I don't want to talk about it" to YOU, I guess I'd counter with, "I understand you don't want to talk about it. But what I don't want is to be the one explaining to another family why you were still driving and hurt their family member. So far only your cars have been damaged but one day it'll be another person, or you. It's time to have this talk, make changes, and then you can carry on with poker or whatever." Regarding burial plots, I'd tell him that you have a list of three choices, here are photos of them etc., and he needs to pick one by the end of the week or you'll pick for him that same day. All done with a big smile on your face but a very firm attitude as you sit down with him and say, this can be over and things decided by 5:00 today or I can come back and bug you with this every day over and over. Your choice, dad.

Mean, I know, but I've seen other older parents who evaded any discussion of driving or planning for the future or their deaths and the result was a sudden illness or injury and a nightmare of scrambling for their adult children to find in-home care, or a place in a residential home or nursing home (not always available when you want them), etc.
[/quote]

Hi there, this is the OP again.  Here's what I am up against. My sister has been in the mental health system since 1988, and had a big breakdown December 26th. I have not heard from her since (I am on the do not contact list.), My Aunt, Age 76, was just diagnosed with a hard to treat Leukemia, and I am her research person finding doctors, treatments, etc.  My aunt's life partner, age 74, she has so many physical and emotional issues, that I'm her researcher, too.  And, it's just me... gay, no grandkid generation from me or my sister.

And my father leaves the room whenever anyone asks him about burial plots, moving into assisted living, giving up driving, updating his will, or going to see the doctor.  I will contact the DMV (I will go in tomorrow.) I will contact his doctor again, but he has been unresponsive so far. And I will check on the Fairfax county office of aging.

Thanks for being there to listen and offer advice.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics