Reply to Should I talk to the adult leader?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I talked to my son this passed weekend. He seemed completely understanding, calm, felt fine.
He said he would continue the activity, would  stay at the group. So I thought ok, sounds
good, I'll let him try and learn.

Today I remind him of the meeting tomorrow (make sure he finishes his school project tonight),
his group is going to do the play in front of everyone. He said he wanted to skip this meeting, but
will go to the future ones.

Should I let him? or Should I make him go(not 100% sure if I can)?

Thank![/quote]

You make a commitment, you keep the commitment.  If I a reading this right, DS has a small part in a play, and wants to skip the performance, because he is upset that his role isn't bigger?  If that's what's going on, then no, I would not let my child skip. That's a no brainer.  The rest of his group is depending on him to play his part, even if it is only a few words.  He went to the rehearsal, and if he doesn't show up at the play, they are going to need to scramble to cover his lines/part.  If this is what's going on, I can't believe that this is even a question.  If people are relying on you, can't pull a no show every time you get your feelings hurt.

You also seem to be saying that you don't think you can "make" him show up?  If that's what's going on, you are in for a long, difficult time with a teenager.  You can't make them do anything once they are too big for you to pick them up and deposit them in their rooms.  For example, you also can't "make them" keep a curfew or say not to drugs.  Doesn't mean you shouldn't try. You discuss the situation with him.  Explain why attending is important,  and make the consequences of not attending clear.  You will have to think about what those might be in your situation.  In our case, I might tell him that if he can't be a dependable member of a team, I can't let him get himself into another situation where other people are depending on him and he lets him down.  So if he misses the play, that will tell me he is also not dependable enough to be a member of the basketball team.  Or I might tell him that it takes a lot of maturity to show up for a team when you are disappointed.  But that if he lacks the maturity, then he is also not mature enough to take his iPhone to school.  Neither of these examples are great fits with tyour situation, but you get the drift.  He attends because not attending has a negative consequence.  If there isn't a negative consequence that flows naturally, make one up.

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