Reply to How to come to terms with having one child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I let myself feel it rather than try to talk myself out of it or ignore it, but I don't let myself wallow in it. I've learned to tell the difference for myself. 
 [/quote]

This is the part I have difficulty with myself.  I tend to wallow and get very depressed about it.  How to you avoid wallowing?[/quote]

Not this PP, but I actually do let myself wallow - for a set amount of time. If I find myself sad about it - and it happens predictably when I find out a friend is going to have a second or third baby - I let myself cry and moan and feel really, really sorry for myself. For a day. But I plan and expect that the bad feelings will ebb overnight, and they do. I always wake up the next morning feeling okay. Maybe a bit sad, but no longer wallowing.[/quote]

I wrote the original quote and wallow probably wasn't the right word. I agree with the above and setting an amount of time is perfect. Sometimes I think, ok, I'm going to crawl into bed and lose it for 10 minutes and other days I just know I need a whole day just for myself.

I guess what I try to avoid is a pattern where I almost bring on the negative feelings myself because it has started to feel good to be miserable, if that makes sense. It's one thing when feelings just surface on their own, but sometimes I would talk myself into them. Like if I heard of a friend's pregnancy I would start to think why not me, that's so unfair, etc., and THEN feel sad, angry, etc.. It can become a habit and  an easy, comfortable place to  run to. This was the pattern for me, at least. Keeping a journal or just paying attention to your thoughts and how you react to things might help you identify your own patterns and what is and isn't working for you.[/quote]

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