Reply to Outlook piece in the Post today: don't delay conceiving

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's hard to balance all the things. My mother got married at 19 and all I heard all my life was get out and get a career and learn how to take care of yourself before you marry and this messaging was from both my parents. But I also got from those same people that marrying and having babies was the most important thing I could do with my life but marry someone who could provide because being a SAHM was optimal. And the final message was that having kids of out wedlock was selfish and shameful. So I spent a lot of time trying to do the first while trying to do the second -- inevitably dating men who were great on paper and earned good money, but who sucked as people -- and avoiding the third at all costs.

I met my husband when I was a few months before I turned 36, and he had MFI (he had been married before so knew this). But THIS was the one -- a provider AND a great person. We went to my ob/gyn once we were engaged to get the baby thing going, got married when I was 37 and went straight to the RE practically from the altar. Despite lots of time and money and losses and tears, no babies. Now I am older and we are looking at other options, but I can't say I should have married one of the assholes and gotten the kid when I love my husband as I do or just popped one out because I was younger and at peak fertility even though I didn't have a partner. It's a calculus that everyone has to play out with their specific circumstances.[/quote]

So true, this is one of the factors that is never discussed.  They always make it sound as if women are making a conscious choice.  Some of us have no choice until we are older, other than to marry and have babies with someone who is totally wrong for us.  And who wants to bring a child into that situation? [/quote]

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