Reply to If your spouse works all of the time how do you not become resentful?

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Reply to "If your spouse works all of the time how do you not become resentful?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^ PP, Does the marriage suffer or do you get over it and find other ways to keep your marriage alive and happy? [/quote]

It didn't really suffer before we had a kid. I could go do stuff with friends, work out or spend time by myself which is important to me.

But once we had a baby it was a huge problem. He didn't understand that he had to change his priorities and his lifestyle now that we had a baby. He thought that I could just take care of it which led to a ton of resentment. I was working full time but doing the majority of the care related to the baby. He also thought that working extra hours at home didn't "count" toward his own time. So he was spending hours on the laptop and the phone while I was taking care of the baby or doing household chores, then he also wanted time to do things for himself. Sounds reasonable, but I had zero time for myself since I was working full time and then doing all of the baby/house stuff and I was exhausted plus also going through PPD/PPA which he refused to acknowledge. He thought that mind over matter would take care of it. He used work a lot of the time as an excuse for checking out of our new reality and thought it was acceptable.

I didn't handle it well and it led to years of built up resentment, especially since he had been the one pushing for a baby. I finally told him we needed to go to counseling or seriously consider a separation. We started counseling and I told him my true feelings and he finally admitted to putting work before family and then I was able to let some of the resentment go. He had a health emergency a few months ago and since then has been much better about prioritizing family.  The laptop still goes right on the island in the evenings and on weekends but he's better able to figure out what needs to be done vs. doing "work" as an acceptable form of alone time. [/quote]

I just broke up with someone like this. He didn't want to have kids but now says he does but he wants to keep the same travel and work hours and wants a wife who basically raises the kid entirely on his own. I'm pretty pissed that he went from "I don't want kids" to "I want them but don't want to take care of them."[/quote]

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