Reply to Outlook piece in the Post today: don't delay conceiving

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's hard to balance all the things. My mother got married at 19 and all I heard all my life was get out and get a career and learn how to take care of yourself before you marry and this messaging was from both my parents. But I also got from those same people that marrying and having babies was the most important thing I could do with my life but marry someone who could provide because being a SAHM was optimal. And the final message was that having kids of out wedlock was selfish and shameful. So I spent a lot of time trying to do the first while trying to do the second -- inevitably dating men who were great on paper and earned good money, but who sucked as people -- and avoiding the third at all costs.

I met my husband when I was a few months before I turned 36, and he had MFI (he had been married before so knew this). But THIS was the one -- a provider AND a great person. We went to my ob/gyn once we were engaged to get the baby thing going, got married when I was 37 and went straight to the RE practically from the altar. Despite lots of time and money and losses and tears, no babies. Now I am older and we are looking at other options, but I can't say I should have married one of the assholes and gotten the kid when I love my husband as I do or just popped one out because I was younger and at peak fertility even though I didn't have a partner. It's a calculus that everyone has to play out with their specific circumstances.[/quote]

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