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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe she is trying hard to not say something regrettable. I often resort to not talking if I'm angry but mulling over what I should or shouldn't be commenting on. I have a habit of saying something more harshly than I intend. When given a counter opinion I sometimes think on it for a while especially if I am having a hard time seeing that other pint of view. I've gotten to the point where I tell my husband that my silence is not aimed at him but necessary in order to back off my position. With my DD I only occasionally do this when I feel I have overstepped my boundaries. If I treat her like a child that I expect to obey my commands but then I stop and think wtf she's 20 and should make her own mistakes even if they are on my dime. Sure it's not pleasant to be on the receiving end but it's not always this evil tool to manipulate you.[/quote]

OP here-I get that sometimes people need some space to think and might not be able to talk right away.  In this case, it's been almost six months.  And, I'm not in any way on my mother's dime.[/quote]

OP, my mother has been using the silent treatment all her life, mainly to control my father, but sometimes she uses it with my and my siblings too. She is not as bad as yours, but she definitely behaves like that if you cross her.  If she wants something and you do not share her opinion, but show her that she is wrong then she does not admit that you are right, she gets super mad and stop talking to you.  My father is terrified to say no, because he knows what follows.  As a child I saw silent treatments go on for weeks, with my father at the end go on his knees and beg to be forgiven, even if he had done nothing wrong. When she was mad at us, my father would come to us and ask to apologize or anyway make peace for his sake.  My mom is not mean but she grew up in an abusive situation and was taught that she had no voice, so she learned to get what she wants through manipulation. When people get upset at her for her silent treatment , she then turn to the "I am desperate I am going to kill myself" play and again people apologize.  This has been extremely hard on my dad, after decades of this treatment, he tip toes around her all the time as if he is walking on egg shell and when things go bad he apologizes profusely even if frankly he should not have or if both should have apologized. he is now extremely depressed.  My siblings and I are tired of it and while we try not to set her off, we do not take the BS anymore.

What your mother is doing is not a minor thing, is profound emotional abuse.  By giving or withdrawing her affection (talking to you or pretending you do not exist to your face) she is manipulating you and forcing you to do whatever she wants. This behavior is especially bad with a child, who cannot defend herself against this type of abuse from a parent, because it just kills the child's self esteem.  Your father should have protected you, and stood up to your mother for you.  Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change your mother, you just need to accept that this is who she is. You need to learn how to deal with her so you do not get hurt.  The silent treatment works if you react to it like you mother wants, feeling bad, thinking you did something wrong, apologizing and so on.  Maybe talking to a therapist may help you find how to deal with her, and how to heal.  Good luck[/quote]

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