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[quote=Anonymous]My mom died suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 26. I definitely spend time thinking about what would happen if my spouse died or my child died and how I would cope.

I probably spend too much time thinking about her life, the sadness and pain she experienced in later years (my dad was not a very emotionally available or loving husband), and feeling sad that she didn't live long enough to adjust to being an empty nester and find new passions in life. Her kids were the great joy of her life and she kind of floundered when we were out of the house. She died 6 months after her first grandchild was born. She was SO happy to be a grandmother and I spend a lot of time thinking about how unfair it is that she did not get to know all of her other grandchildren, and that none of them get to know her. I feel guilty that I couldn't help her have a happier life in her later years, though I know that's too much to put on myself.

Like an immediate PP said, I often feel alone and can't explain it. Even though I have the most loving, supportive spouse in the world and a great kid. It absolutely guts me that my mother never got to meet them. I feel like my life and my child's life will never be as full and happy as they would be if my mother were alive. I expect to feel this way for the rest of my life. I am always a little bit sad, even when I'm at my happiest.

I try to do what I want to do now, while I'm healthy and alive. If I'm unhappy in a job, I leave it. I devote a lot of time to family and outside pursuits and live a full life outside of work. My mother was waiting for retirement to do all the things she really wanted to do and she never got there.[/quote]

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