Reply to So worn down by DH's negativity

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH is prone to this. He learned it from the attitude his mom had. He has become more aware. I gently revise his statement, so it doesn't sound like I am criticizing him, but it shows another way to say what he may be expressing. Often it requires a follow up question to the negative statement before making my passive corrective statement.

Ex:

DH: Our kid isn't smart.
ME: Why do you think our kid isn't smart?
DH: because he repeats the same mistakes over and over.
ME: Go on.
DH: Rhe other day, xyz, ...

After listening

ME:
 So you are concerned about our kids development because of XYZ. That's valid. And I agree about this point you shared. Let's think of how we can address this and work together to support him.

(Wait for his defensiveness to go down)

When you said our kid isn't smart, It sounded like more of a judgement than a concern.

(then say a positive affirmation)

But you're a kind loving man, the one I fell in love with and who believes the best in his own child. I was hoping you didn't feel that negative about him!

(Show a physical affirmation)

Smile, hug, kiss, end of discussion.

Wash,Rinse, repeat.

It's tough, but it's effective. Old habits die hard. It took about 4 months of doing this daily and overlooking it without showing frustration when I couldn't.

Sometimes our partner needs us to teach them things they never learned at home in a loving way, until the understand and are motivated to teach and grow on their own.

Last, when you work and try to break that negativity down bit by bit, it usually has a source to it that is easier to identify and it helps you cope as he learns to strengthen the skill.

Positivity has more power than negativity. You really have to fight for it.

[/quote]

You must have the patience of a saint.  I am in awe of you right now.  Your DH is lucky to have you![/quote]

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