Reply to Those who initiated divorce or separation, how did you do it?

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Reply to "Those who initiated divorce or separation, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]pp again. thank you for continuing the conversation.  you've clearly done a lot of hard work.  i think you're spot on in many ways.  i do see my own therapist and we see a joint one.

i like what you say about not engaging in the behaviors the other person can't or won't change.  for example, when my spouse is in a bad mood and snide like this am b/c of oversleeping, i choose to not take it personally and not engage.  my spouse often uses me as the proverbial dog to kick when in a bad mood.  and while spouse is working on it, i try to not take it personally but also put my foot down about how he treats me in front of our child. it's a dance, like you indicate.

i also agree about articulating what your needs are.  i've been very clear about them (took awhile to get there!) but there has been little momentum in meeting them.  when i ask what my spouses needs are and how i can better meet them, spouse says they have no needs.  so...that's why i've come to the place i'm at where i will do my best, work on being vulnerable (as in, not withdrawing b/c i don't expect a different response from my spouse than has been given in the past).  basically, i need to put myself out there, and if it still changes nothing, i'll know i did everything i could.

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