Reply to Those who initiated divorce or separation, how did you do it?

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Reply to "Those who initiated divorce or separation, how did you do it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do not  walk away until you have busted your ass to work on it with therapy both couples and individual.  Don't try bi weekly therapy and say you tried.  Change yourself.  Be who you want your spouse to be.  Work. Don't just complain.  [/quote]

[b]and when you do that and nothing changes on the other's end, how do you cope?  what is next? [/b]

[/quote]

Please also recognize that we can't make - it's unfair to expect - people to change.  They are who they are - either love them as they are or don't (that's up to you) but be realistic about how much your counseling fixes rely on someone "changing".  I think couples counseling can be extraordinarily useful when problems can be addressed by changing partner's perceptions and framing of issues, but I think it's of very limited value if you expect that the counselor will just "tell him|her to get some ambition"...or whatever it is that's bothering you.  [/quote]

i am the bolded PP above.  thank you for writing this. i've been trying to articulate this. i don't want spouse to change their core self.  it's more of how we interact and frame those interactions so that we both are getting what we need and deserve from each other in our relationship.  [/quote]

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