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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks all.  I'm ok. Sort of shocked that I wrote it all out liken that to be honest.  I think I'm going to copy and paste the message and send it to my therapist.  I'm not going to the hospital, because as hopeless and worthless as I feel, I couldn't bring myself to do anything that would cause myself physical harm - mainly because it would hurt my kids and husband.  I know I'll have better days because I've done this dance too many times to count (the only person I've ever voiced my desire to kill myself to is my therapist- I can't imagine burdening anyone I care about with that info when I feel sure that I'm not in physical danger.) The repetitive nature of it makes it worse sometimes. I know I'll feel better one day, but I know I'll also have plenty more days of feeling like this.  And it's not great motivation to push through this time just so I can face down these demons again later.

I'm going to spend the rest of the day holding the baby and letting the bigger kids watch TV and climb on me on the couch. I'll make it to tomorrow and then maybe I'll have a little bit of light come into the darkness. [/quote]

OP, please do send the message to your therapist. You should not have to suffer a minute longer. Have you ever discussed with your therapist a short-term inpatient stay? Your medication may need to be tweaked and a week in a clinical setting may provide you the relief you need. It would also give you the space to prioritize your health.

Good luck OP. I am praying for you.[/quote]

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