Reply to People with spouses who have cheated (and then you stuck together)

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[quote=Anonymous]Since you said you are the cheater... I have this to say... I already answered above.

1) do you really ever trust them again?
2) do you wish you'd just divorced when it happened?
3) is your marriage better now?
4) anything else with your 20/20 vision from the future?

1) Trust is overrated. So many marriages could have been saved from alcohol abuse, gambling, addictions, affairs, if both spouse kept the other accountable. You are not supposed to blindly trust. You are suppose to be there when you see a loved one going off the rails and help them back on track. Be an open book, never walk out of the room when you have a call. Let your H/W know everything about you even the stuff that seems bad, they will love you anyway. Affairs are about looking into somebody's eyes, somebody that does not know you and seeing this fake persona you created and 1/2 believing it too, for a short time... it feels good, but it is fake.  Your H/W knows who you are (good and bad) and loves you anyway... isn't that really love.

2) No. I believe in working through issues, not running away. (That said, I was not in a toxic situation.)

3) Stop blaming your infidelity on marital issues, fix yourself. Go to individual therapy, find out why YOU are a cheater. If you cheated on this wife you will find a reason to cheat on the next. NOBODY is perfect so you can always find something in your marriage that will justify (in your head) cheating. Would you hit your wife for "issues in the marriage"? Abusers abuse... cheaters cheat... it's doesn't matter how good or bad the marriage is.

4) Get therapy, get therapy, get therapy... it is all on your to be a better person.[/quote]

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