Reply to How to tell BIL you are not happy with how he speaks to your children, or myself without causing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[quote]I think you're all right. I need to handle it next time on the spot. There have been several moments where he's disrespected my children. I just haven't known how to handle it. Ie/ 2 months ago, 3rd brother got married, there was a family picture of the siblings, this brother had his 2.5 yr old daughter in the picture. my daughter came running to be in it. She's very close to this uncle and that brother told her sternly to leave the picture and it was for siblings only. She was shocked and says bc clearly his kids were in it!? I was fuming, but again didn't handle it.

WOW! Please work on having a backbone. I say this as a person who has TOO MUCH to say. If you are at a loss of words, post the situation. I have a number of "lovely" responses. [/quote]

OP this pp is right.  If you need help with responses, post some examples and we'll help you.

For example:  the picture

brother told her sternly to leave the picture and it was for siblings only.

2 Options:

BIL - DC will stand next to your kids.  Larla, honey, just stand right here.

Option 2:

Turn to Groom:  Groom, can Larla stand here next to her cousins for this picture?  Thanks.[/quote]
Backbone PP here. I would not have even addressed the BIL:

"Baby, you stay right where you are, Uncle Groom is letting kids in the picture" -- all the while giving Uncle Asshole the ice grill.
"Say something to me -- go 'head -- SAY. SOMETHING."
Barring an entire missing piece of this story, an undisclosed family dynamic, Honestly, your BIL sounds like a big ass punk. Folks like that need to be clearly, VERY CLEARLY schooled on how to treat you. You do not have to be nasty, you don't have to curse him out, neither do you have to be unnecessarily over solicitious.
This is the dude you look dead in the face,

"I beg your pardon, is there is a reason you need to speak to my child like that"? 
"Who are you talking to like that"?
 "Is there a problem we need to deal with"?
  "You want to re-phrase that like you have some manners"?
 "Is there any reason you are talking crazy to me?"
 "Is there a problem?"
 "Is there some reason you think you can talk crazy to me(my kids, etc"?
 "Kids play, toys are for kids to play with, now if you would like them to be a bit quieter, than please ASK, do not yell, because THAT will spark a whole different conversation, get my meaning?"
 "I believe in teaching people how to treat you, do you need to be schooled right now"?
  "I believe in talking to people NOT AT them, so if you want this to go well , I suggest you   talk TO me"
  "PROBLEM?"
  " I am NOT THE ONE"

The key to all of this is when saying any of this to that joker is taking one small step towards him -- straight face -- look directly in his face -- and when you are finished, quietly look dead in his face for about 10 seconds, then turn and walk away. 
 [/quote]

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