Reply to Vacation time/money/extended family issues (really about relationships with in-laws.)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Tell Dw's mom that if she wants to see her grandchildren board the dog and get on a fucking plane.

Don't accept calls from DW's mom while on vacation on west coast.

DW consider therapy to handle her crazy mom.[/quote]

+1,000,000

You have 4 kids and this B is insisting that you visit her and refusing to visit you? I can't even.

DW needs to be encouraged to maintain boundaries with her mom. Don't tell her you're going to visit other grandparents, and maintain that she is always welcome to visit you. [b]Remind her that she did not take the family into account whatsoever when she chose her retirement location, so she can't expect a family of 6 to jump through hoops for selfish choices. [/b][/quote]

This in a nutshell. If the mom lived an hour away and wanted to say you drop everything to see relatives across the country but never to see her, that would be one thing.  But she has chosen to live somewhere difficult to get to plus has a dog that restricts her being to travel to you.  My solution would be basically one person (me the daughter) can go out to see mom in remote location, maybe for Christmas we get mom an iPad so we can FaceTime with the kids and set up  once a week time, maybe we coordinate/send a ticket for mom to visit but she obviously has to kennel the dog or work out a dog sitting swap with friends/neighbors, maybe can make plans to meet mom at a neutral vacation spot that perhaps has pet friendly accommodations.  Jumping thru hoops to fly and drive 4 kids to a remote spot with nothing to do during our limited vacation time is a non-starter for me unless I'm from that town and love to go back or  said relative is on their deathbed or it's a special occasion like all the family is coming in for the 90th birthday party and kids are welcome.  And if I have offered many options to help build a relationship and the only one the person wants is the one that requires the most sacrifice from me and little to none from them, I have to question if they really truly want to build a closer relationship or just likes the idea of it or to feel like they can get someone to jump thru hoops.
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