Reply to Please help if you have experience dealing with a narcissist mother or MIL

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, can you try having an honest talk with your DH about what you see happening?  Be calm and just explain that it seems his mother is pulling him in to take over the role as Favorite Child.  Explain why that makes you uncomfortable.  I think discussing it out in the open is best.  Your whole plan to "be really nice so he focuses on our family" is pretty silly.  TALK to him about it all.  If you can't have honest conversations, this is more of a DH problem than a MIL problem.[/quote]

I have tried but we end up arguing whenever the topic of his mother comes up. His brother has started talking to him about her and he seems more receptive to that so maybe it will help.  Probably a therapist needs to tell him.  I may try to find an article or something that describes the family dynamic and how dysfunctional/damaging it is.  It's hard because he doesn't know anything else.[/quote]

Your husband may not be ready to hear the truth about his mother and the family dynamic.  For awhile my brother (the Golden Child) kept saying that our mother's horrible behavior was cultural.  I (the scapegoat) would point out that so many things from our childhood were far beyond anything cultural.  I had already (with the help of my therapist) realized she has NPD, and cut off contact.  Finally my mother did something egregious enough that my brother called me and was basically like "WTF is wrong with this woman."  I took that opportunity to gently tell him that I had been researching this extensively and that my therapist had confirmed that she has NPD.  Until her behavior really and truly affected him, he just was not ready to hear the truth.  [/quote]

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