Reply to How to be closer to DD (age 11) if I'm stretched thin (working and with 3 kids)?

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Reply to "How to be closer to DD (age 11) if I'm stretched thin (working and with 3 kids)?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it's natural to find some personalities more compatible with your own, even when talking about your children.  You sound like a very caring mom, who wants to meet her child where she is but you just don't know exactly how to do that.  My advice is keep trying, keep up efforts to make her feel seen and heard and understood, and try different ways of relating to her.  When I thought my DD (now 13) was feeling disconnected from me and was possibly depressed, I started a mother-daughter journal with her.  I write notes to her in it and put it on her bed, regardless of whether she writes back.  I explained to her that with other kids in the house, I knew that we didn't get enough time alone and that I really wanted her to know I was thinking about her.  Just don't get your feelings hurt if she rolls her eyes or never writes back; I see it as my job as the mom to keep coming back and affirming that I care and want that connection.

I also don't think that different has to mean incompatible; it's just a matter of finding what you can share together.  DS, now 15, and I thought it was very funny that we have polar opposite Meyers-Briggs types (he took it in a high school class) and were able to talk about it and laugh.  It explains a lot about how we relate!  As insignificant as it sounds, what he wants from me is shoulder rubs (very athletic kid prone to muscle aches) and he'll chat about school and sports and such.  I don't mean this as a literal suggestion for your daughter -- just that there may be something like that that means something to her that seems inconsequential to you.

Best of luck, OP.

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