Reply to If you got engaged after living together for a long time

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you two are already in your 40s and you want kids, then you need to start trying now...not after a wedding. Honestly, it sounds like you two might not be on the same page. Most couples discuss marriage before getting engaged, and most couples discuss when to start a family. It sounds like he threw you a curveball, and perhaps you two aren't on the same page.

If I were the OP, I'd want to know the following:

1. Why did you propose now?
2. Are you hoping to have a baby?

If he wants a baby, then the OP should be fully on board to start trying now--with the recognition that it might take fertility treatment or ultimately adoption to start a family in your 40s. [/quote]

We had already agreed to forgo birth control first thing in the new year before he proposed. Yes, I had considered he risks of having a baby out of wedlock. I have my own secure career and social network, and had already weighed that for myself.

Again, as I mentioned in my last post, it is truly, finally the right time for him (and I suppose ultimately, us). A lot of couples bank on love getting them through the poor and dark times, and end up divorcing. I think it helped us because each and every day, sticking together was 100% a choice.

That being said, contrary to how many DCUM couples are dealing with the fertility/ age factor, we are dealing with it in our own way - we are simply going to let the chips fall where they do. A child (or two) will be very welcome, but we are also not putting everything on the line or under strain at this point if the universe doesn't deem it a dream to come to fruition. We are under no illusions that my age is an issue, so we are going in with open eyes. Again, I think this has a lot to do with knowing we both had choices the whole way. Our life didn't exactly take the route we had staked out in the start, but I cant regret a moment of that, because it led me here with him.

And as far as a wedding, we're 40. We've been together forever. There will be no pastry or fabric samples in our future... Vegas with Elvis with a few of our friends is sounding about right. [/quote]

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