Reply to I honestly couldn't decide which was worse yesterday

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your wife is probably scared and feeling alone, and you're painting her as the bad guy. Recognize that she wants to control the uncontrollable; she wants to make everything right when it is wrong. She wants to believe this is behavior and not an overpowering condition.

Talk to your wife about getting some counseling to help her manage this. You have a duty to love and help your wife--not villianize her.[/quote]

Meh. I've had to live with her controlling ways for 13 years. I'm over it. I'll villianize her if I want to.

She hid her mental illness from me before we got married. Didn't tell me until 7 or 8 years in that she had been hospitalized in college and it took 6 years to graduate.  By then we already had children and I was trapped.

I do a lot for her mother. I treat her mother more kindly than she does.

I'm tired, though. And I still feel trapped.

[/quote]

NP and finding myself surprised at the change in your tone. First post sounded concerned, next post sounded like you're way past salvaging this and don't want to.

I was going to say that old conflict between parents and children can carry on past the parent's ability to mend it. The child, now adult, is still inside that conflict and lives it out even though the parent has moved on for whatever reason. Maybe your MIL was vicious when DW was a child and now she can feel no other way in return.

I think the best you can do is talk about what's best for your kids and come to an agreement about how DW should behave in front of them. If she can't keep her feelings in check maybe she should just be completely honest about them so she can learn how they're affecting the rest of the family. But the main thing is that someone has to model conflict management and it seems like you're the only one who can do it right now. [/quote]

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