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[quote=Anonymous]
Yeah, it sounds like an adjustment in expectations is required in order for her to go back---both on her part and on yours, OP. You explanation re "under performance" and all that makes me think you guys imagined college as a cure-all, that somehow she'd be transformed by the experience of being there. It's a process, developing yourself over time; testing the environment, making choices. A semester won't do. If there were a way to remove the pressure to Cinderella, and just enjoy whatever piece of the experience she could, I'd suggest a return. First semesters are taxing. I was a very strong candidate--- sociable, fiercely academic, confident/outgoing---and the first semester of each degree program I've ever joined was a test. You get back in there and earn/find your place. That's my thinking generally, but here it seems like there was far too high an expectation set in place. Something needs to change. If you can bolster next term for her with a paid Spring Break trip, or find a cool internship for her to enjoy, I would do it. Can you read some YA stuff this winter break? I'd want to fill her head with Outsider heroes; build her up with the idea that this experience is her own, trusting her to find her way.

Please find a different measure for success, OP. There doesn't seem to be any gray area here. She feels she failed because the transformation wasn't perfect. What about all that she has gained these last months? Please reflect back to her all that she has truly achieved. Do what you can to make next term more appealing---a summer trip, study abroad, new clothes, tickets to that concert...whatever you can do to get her back into the game. I feel like leaving now would only compound her sense of failure.

There are life coaches that work by phone or Skype. How about that? I think it's worth looking into it. [/quote]

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