Reply to I'm glad DH persuaded me not to cut off my mother...

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you've taken the higher road and it's been for your daughter's benefit - thank you for that. My mother did the same for me in a similar situation and I'm really grateful for the relationship I was able to enjoy with my grandparents because of it.

As to your mother's comments, I hope you address it in the moment and set expectations. Maybe having a few scripted lines on hand would be helpful? For example:
Mother: "You're fat and you can't have dessert"
You: "That's simply not true and we don't speak that way in this house. Now, Susie which did you want - the chocolate or the vanilla?"

Mother: "You should sound like a broadway professional by now. Why don't you?"
You: "Oh Susie, what a joy to hear you practice! I can tell you're practicing like you should - it's paying off!"

Basically you should make clear to your daughter that your mother's criticisms are not true, but keep the focus on your daughter - not on your mother. Your mother says these things to get a reaction, so be brief and to the point but move the conversation along. If it gets bad enough, don't be afraid to end the visit early - you can say that you're sorry to see that Gram isn't up for family time at the moment, but you hope the next visit is better. [/quote]

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