Reply to I'm glad DH persuaded me not to cut off my mother...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP here (can't sleep because of toothache).

Just to clarify, my mother has deep-seated psychological issues. She said: "You're fat and can't have dessert" and she said nastily "Well, why aren't playing like this?" to my daughter... but these comments are expected because they are known obsessions with her, and are nothing compared to other things she did during my own childhood, which took me a long time to overcome: the worst is probably physically isolating me from other people, particularly other children, when I was little and doing her best to do so when I was a teenager (stemming from her anxiety, abandonment issues and weird jealousy). I finally ran away from home.

The decision to invite her with my father was not taken lightly! 
[b]Yet since my mother is powerless to isolate DD and her barbs have less impact because we all tell DD that what Grandma says is not true, the joy my father and daughter have when they spend time together outweighs her verbal abuse. [/b]

[/quote]
You don't have to be isolated to be verbally abused. What your mother is doing is ABUSIVE. You downplaying it does not STOP IT. I understand you are vulnerable and fragile due to the abuse you suffered at the hands of your mother AND father who did not protect you. But you have the power to protect her. DO IT!
NO way my husband would allow this to happen to our kids. P.S.: Your dad is not all you think he is if he allows your mother to talk to your DD the way she does. He is co-dependent and putting his relationship with his wife above the safeguarding of his kids and grandkids. No amount of cuddling can override that. I'm sorry you have this horrible dynamic in your family, but you better deal with it.[/quote]

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